hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
