I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
