Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
