Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
