Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
