ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
