Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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