I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
