Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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