Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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