someone threw a dead crab at me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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