I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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