I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
