Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
