u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
