Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
