You really coming over, don't trick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We are two peas in an std pod
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
