Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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