i think my mom watched the whole time
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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