Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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