I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
