i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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