At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
