Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
