Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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