True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
