I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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