dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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