Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
