If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
