My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
