Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
