My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
