i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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