I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Come on in and take your pants off
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