We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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