i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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