Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
