real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
