Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
