He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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