I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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