I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
