But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
