do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
