Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
