I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
