so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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