Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
