Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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