We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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