Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
