you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My cat gives me a boner
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
