We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize