: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
