My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
