he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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