Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone came in the potted fern
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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