shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
