my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
