i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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