Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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