ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
