we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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