I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
