haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
