2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
