smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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