My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
