so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
